From the archives

Self-portrait ©prettyhatemachine.org

This is the cemetery of my old selves. This is where I visit them one by one, to remember who I was or to understand what I have become.

I have been blogging for maybe a decade and a half now. Long before the life and death of all forms of social media. Blogging had always been part of how I process my thoughts and emotions. I write them all down and then release them to the wild world of the internet. I’ve put up several blog sites and hundreds of blog entries over the years, but I killed them one after the other.

On this page, I revisit some of them. Picking the ones that won’t be too embarrassing for me to share to the world.

On throwing a Holly Fit

The Holly fit comes to you when that unnameable fear becomes apparent, it becomes all too real. It could be as devastating as hearing about the death of a loved one. It could be deaths on a massive scale. It could be small, inner deaths. Whatever it is, its arrival should be sudden. Its suddenness should feel like a blow. It should have the power to rock you to your very core.

Everyone’s in their own personal coma

Then several small things happened. One after the other, after the other. Small things.

Then you wake up to realise that you can no longer be the superhero of your own story. 

How to disappear completely

She’s starting to believe that she’s gradually disappearing, and not just figuratively, but also literally. And with the kind of magical thinking that she has, she thinks this can’t be far from the truth.

“This is me, trying to make sense of the world I’m living in. This is me, drawing out the demons that have temporarily taken residence in my head. Online soliloquys. Online solipsism.”
— Happy Perdition, “Looking Back with a Great Sense of Unease” May 27, 2012