The unbearable ignorance of the Filipino man (Part 1)

No one wears his ignorance as proudly as the Filipino man. You will easily spot him in a crowd, talking loudly as if he wants everyone to hear his forced American twang. Or, if he can’t manage one, he won’t let you miss his pro tip on how that chick half his age should be…

Dissecting my grief

I never wanted to become the woman who is only defined by her grief, but this is who I’ve become. I am the woman who lost her father. There was me when he was still alive. And then there is me – the me who had decimated every woman who I ever was. The woman…

How to disappear completely

Originally written on 29 December 2013 – taken from my older blog A vanishing point. She’s starting to believe that she’s gradually disappearing, and not just figuratively, but also literally. And with the kind of magical thinking that she has, she thinks this can’t be far from the truth. Over the past couple of months, she…

Am I even a writer?

Most days, I struggle to consider myself a writer. Even though I depend on writing to live, to keep myself from starving or from going homeless, every so often, when I am confronted by a blank page and a looming deadline, I ask myself: Do you even know how to write? A line from one…

On throwing a Holly fit

The Holly fit comes to you when that unnameable fear becomes apparent, it becomes all too real. It could be as devastating as hearing about the death of a loved one. It could also be after realizing that your possessive, controlling boyfriend has been fooling around all along, and your obedience, devotion, and loyalty to him have been put to waste. It could be deaths on a massive scale. It could be small, inner deaths. Whatever it is, its arrival should be sudden. Its suddenness should feel like a blow. It should have the power to rock you to your very core.he Holly fit comes to you when that unnameable fear becomes apparent, it becomes all too real. It could be as devastating as hearing about the death of a loved one. It could also be after realizing that your possessive, controlling boyfriend has been fooling around all along. It could be deaths on a massive scale. It could be small, inner deaths. Whatever it is, its arrival should be sudden. Its suddenness should feel like a blow. It should have the power to rock you to your very core.

When Great Trees Fall

As implied in the previous blog entry, I am currently battling severe depression. My father passed away on the 20th of August, plunging me deeper into an already fragile mental state (no thanks to the pandemic), and every day since the 20th has been about forcing myself to want to live. I remember when I…

‘Whatever happened to your Papa?’

It has been 43 days since my Papa left us. He died at the age of 72. His death has plunged me deeper into my depression. His death has made my living feel like an obligation: I continue to live because I have to, not because I want to.

My so-called life

As most kids who grew up in a country colonized by the Americans I was raised by literature, films, and TV series created by white people. One of my favorites growing up was My So-Called Life, starring Clare Danes as Angela Chase, a teenager trying to figure out who she is. It’s nothing like those…

When Covidiots rule the world

They trust their American-ness more than Science. It is un-American to wear a mask. It is un-American to not be partying with friends at the beach during spring break. It is un-American to just stay at home.